


Sapphire's Great, Very Good Tingly Wingly Surprise Day

by KingdomDom



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Gore, I cant stress this enough, Kinda, Pearl commits genocide, Pearl walks in and probably regrets her choices, Penetration, Ruby probably doesnt know how to fuck, Sapphire is such a nymphomaniac, Sapphire is such a virgene, Sounding, Vaginal Fingering, Vibrators, a chastity belt, ah the scalene triangle, basically fisting, complete and utter crack, dildo, enjoy, i regret mine tbh, its crack gore, this was a mistake, tingly wingly, very bad bin puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 16:21:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18102107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingdomDom/pseuds/KingdomDom
Summary: I don't even know how to explain this.Sapphire loses her virginity in ridiculous fashion.Have fun getting therapy after this.





	Sapphire's Great, Very Good Tingly Wingly Surprise Day

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I can't believe this is my first post. I swear I know how to write normally. 
> 
> This "thing" was joint-written by my partner and I, and I'm very sorry we chose to utilise our time in this way.
> 
> (I'm not sorry)

GOOD AFTERNOON LITTLE PEOPLE WITH A LACK OF PARENTAL LOVE. Today I shall tell you a lovely story of how Sapphire had a great, very good tasty taste of sexy for no reason outside of my need to lick a page with my left tongue. Delish.

Sapphire was very moist and her jimmies were rustled. “O fuk but I’m a VIRGENE” said Sapphire to nobody because she was a silly billy but she was THICC so nobody cared. Sapphire didn’t know what a virgin even was but the mystery tinglies still arose from her special area so she called Rooby. Suddenly Ruby stabbed Sapphire with her numerous fingers and caressed her internal organs seductively. It was sexy. Sapphire watched her virgeneness float away into the ceiling where it turned to condensation and mould grew on it immediately. She named the mould Daddy. It was her Daddy. Ruby started to use her numerous tongues to gently stab Sapphire’s tingly wingly clystal gem until Sapphy started making dying whale screams. It was hot, Ruby burst into fucking flames cos she can.

Then Ruby realised she was on fire because nobody had taken their clothes off yet and she was suffocating to death in Sapphire’s stupid fucking petticoat. “SHIT” proclaimed Ruby with much enthusiasm. She collected her fingers from inside Sapphire’s front butt and ripped her dress off with an inappropriate amount of FLAMING LUST. At least that’s what she would have done if she hadn’t gotten her entire arm stuck in Sapphire’s munchy crunchy chastity belt. “SHIT” said Ruby again, with the enthusiasm of a duck getting some duck pussy through nonconsenual means. She flibbleflabbled her arm until both the arm and belt broke and had 700 seizures and flew across the room like the physical glitches seen in video games during beta testing. It was fucking horrific yet Sapphire found it so heroic cos she’s actually retarded. Blood started cascading out of Ruby’s shoulder and it sounded suspiciously like a series of high pitched “ooohhh yeeah”s, oh shit, it was that time of the month again. Ruby was having her kool aids. Once a month her blood would get thicc and sticky with the tiny demented jugs. Now they were pouring over Sapphire’s trembling body and nearly pregnating her. Ruby decided this was of course very sexy indeed and continued to cover Sapphire with the juicy blood until she was practically drowning in it. 

“Halp I cant drown now I’m gonna FUCC YOU FIRST” said Sapphire but gurgly because she was slowly dying due to fluid inhalation. Ruby sucked up the kool aid blood using the power of her strong vajingo (she does kegels) and blue tacked her arm back on after disentangling it from the cheesetitty belt. Sapphire was fully naked now and Ruby laughed because Sapphire had a small pp. “Haha u have a small pp” said Ruby matter of factly. “Thanks” said Sapphire because she thought that was a good thing (but it wasn’t). Ruby slapped about Sapphire’s big titties for a few seconds before ripping off her nipply wipplys and putting them in her eyes like you do with coins sometimes but it was with nipples. Sapphire was secretly K I N K Y tho so she loved it.

Ruby’s nipple glasses fell off and she cried over them for ten weeks, within that space of time, Sapphire had managed to expand her pp using questionable health methods she saw on WebMD. The pp was now 6 cubic metres long and shaped like a wheelie bin. Ruby stopped mourning her fucking nipple eyepieces at last (piece of shit) and saw Sapphire’s incredible pp. Ruby stared at it, unsure what to make of it.

“Well then, you’ve bin working on something,” she said once she located her vocal cords (she lost them at one point while she was grieving, but she managed to find them under the sofa, along with her salary and other unimportant things).

“Why don’t you get to rubbin it?” Sapphire snapped back, glaring with a face like someone who is trying to be seductive but really can’t. 

“Ok” exclaimed Ruby quietly because she ran out of bin puns. She scrunched up her face and grabbed the throbbing pp with the space between her eyebrows, headbanging furiously to Bohemian Rhapsody, which was stuck in her head. Sapphire let out a loud hentai moan and thrusted her girthy meat into Ruby’s forehead flaps. Ruby removed her sensual face from Sapphire’s tingly wingly and rotated her mouth so she developed a frowny face instead of the sexual predator one she was wearing 3 sexy seconds before. “WAIT LET ME TRY SOMETHING” Ruby screamed, waving her hands around in a magical dance which summoned THE MICHAEL ROSEN LUBE. She squirted the lube onto her manly hands before slip ‘n’ sliding them into Sapphire’s gaping dickhole. “Whoa” stated Sapphire emphatically. Then Ruby fiddle diddled until her whole fist was concealed inside the penis boxing glove. 

Sapphire made an autistic “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” whilst Ruby penetrated her urethral cavity. Ruby decided to let her whole arm get SUCCED into the wheelie long dick and flailed around as much as she could in the fleshy tunnel. Sapphire retaliated by slapping Ruby’s massive fuzz of hair, good luck guessing which one. Her fingers wrapped around the frizzy locks and she began to tear out clumps of the hair and eat it, because this is the natural reaction when receiving intense tingly winglies from inside your dickhole. She got so much wiry hair stuck in her throat that she acquired Throat Cancer™. The tumours grew on the hair like nits and continued growing until they developed into a pair of lungs for no apparent reason. She chundered the hairy lungs all over Ruby. 

Ruby welcomed the lungs and they melted when they touched her skin, turning into lung cum which seeped under Ruby’s shirt and oozed over her tittays. Sapphire laughed at her because Ruby was covered in lung cummies, but then made some extremely inappropriate noises when Ruby fiddle diddled with her vageneyhole, circling the edge of the hole like a coin in one of those charity money funnels that the money spirals into, you sometimes see them in McDonalds, they’re cool. 

Anyway, Ruby decided enough was enough and obtained her limited edition purple pleasure cock dildo that she bought off Sans Summers for £36.20 and crammed about 60 vibrators into it. She then proceeded to place the tip of it on Sapphywapphy’s tenderised heeman. The viberators quivered in ways that brought plenty good delight and sexy tinglies, because they’re viberators. Then Ruby slowly slid the seizuring dildo into Sapphy’s awaiting clunge. It was at this point, Ruby saw Sapphire’s final form.

Yes, Sapphire was illuminati. Her eye expanded and her dress became extra triangular as she ascended like a DLA fried egg over a dramatic sea. Ruby continued to peenytrate her prolapsing vagene.

“Ah the scalene triangle,” Ruby uttered with stoicism. Sapphire began wheezing the alphabet song because she was slowly losing her mind.

“Ah, the scaleen triangle,” Ruby professed. Sapphire realised she was too retarded to sing her ABCs and decided to join Ruby in whatever dipshitty reference she was making.

“Aaah, the scaleen triyangle” Sapphire moaned like one of those middle-aged sluts you would see at parties abroad, the ones who are getting their perishing tits out before 1am and dirty-talking the poor bartender.

“Aaaaah the scaleeen triangle!” Ruby raised her voice and slammed the dildo deeper into Sapphy’s gushing void of a hole. 

“AHHHH THE SCALENE TRIANGLE!” Sapphire proceeded to scream, “FUCK ME SCALENE TRIANGLE!”

Then Sapphire couldn’t stop screaming, most of it was non-coherent. Which is good for me because I can’t be arsed writing dialogue for it. Ruby started furiously rubbing herself over the base of the buzzing dildo because she was bored of Sapphire’s screaming and was only here for wank material to get off to.

“Shit,” proclaimed Sapphire with much enthusiasm as she began to come. Her extra strong contractions succed in the dildo and Ruby cried at the loss of her toy.

Now Sapphire was flopping around because her triangular mess of a body decided to fucking ABSORB the foot-long raging cock. Ruby was sick of this shit. Her lover was being the biggest whore in existence and she was honestly regretting taking her virginity. Enough was enough, Ruby thought, she grabbed Sapphire by her enlarged eyeball and promptly popped it. The result was a blobby concoction of blood and the vitreous humour. Ruby drank it. She later died of stage 27 brain cancer but that’s not related to this I’m sure. 

After drinking the eyeball juices, Ruby took it upon herself to rid the world of its impurities, that’s to say, Sapphire. She scrunched her up like one of those blue paper towels that, according to 98% of primary school teachers, are supposed to have bone-healing, wound-sealing effects. Then Ruby began cramming the crumpled scalene Sapphire into her awaiting asshole. Just as she was poking her fingers into her ass to stuff the blue disgrace in fully, the door flew open.

There stood Pearl. She gawked at them, with a level of disgust on par with when she discovered the gloryholes in the library computer suite.

“Ruby what the ACTUAL FUCK are you doing???” Pearl screeched, forming a somewhat rational question.

“Stuffing Sapphire up my ass.”

Pearl stared for a little longer as she digested this knowledge. This took her a while, since she had to make a digestive system for it. After 6.9 minutes, the absorption was complete and she made a ding noise like that of a microwave after it’s overcooked your ready meal. “Oh that’s fine, apologies for disturbing you,” she replies before swiftly departing the room, zooming straight down the hallway at mega speeds and roadkilling assorted humans, impaling them on her conical nasal instrument. Screams could be heard as she began barbequing them on her nose skewer to make the ultimate simian kebab. 

Ruby stood for a moment, questioning life. It told her to go fuck herself and pay taxes. Ruby slapped life across the face because she’s a rebel and taxes are for retards. She then stomped over to the wide open door angrily. 

“WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE NOT CLOSE THE DOOR AFTER THEM?” she proclaimed with much enthusiasm. As she slammed the door, it broke and dropped gracefully to the floor. With a similar grace, Sapphire flopped out of her ass. 

“YOU LEFT ME TO DIE!” Sapphy screamed, flailing her crumpled limbs across the floor. She started crying. Then she started coming again because she still had the pleasure cock dildo thrumming inside her. Ruby, still having a fucking tantrum because I have to keep some aspects of the characters parallel with canon, kicked Sapphire to the other side of the room. She smashed into the conveniently located china collection, exploded, and probably died. 

Ruby stared at Sapphire’s remains, they began to do a cult dance around the smashed china, chanting some song about horse cock and sending their assholes into shock. Ruby dropped to the floor, slowly losing the will to live. The pleasure cock dildo, which had managed to survive the entire ordeal, began crawling across the floor like the polymorph. It approached Ruby and slipped onto her lap, purring when she pet it. Ruby looked down at her pet dildo and then looked to the pieces of Sapphire having a rave. Ruby’s mind could only settle on one thing.

“I want a divorce.”

~~~


End file.
